Michael McIntyre - Same Name But Different Spellings

I was watching one of my favourite comedians on the TV with my family at Christmas time and I couldn't help but notice this particular clip has some relation to English Language.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sQCh6ub3Hc

Practicing Transcript Writing

An extract from mine and Abi's transcript from the previous lesson:

Me: in the top right hand corner (2) with spaces from the edge (.) draw a small (.) circle (3) that your thumb could fit into (3)

Abi: okay

Me: then (.) directly in the mid (.) middle draw (.) part (.) of (3) a small honeycomb (^)* so (.) do two small honeycombs in the middle

*The (^) is used instead of an arrow head because I couldn't find that symbol, but it means the same thing as an arrowhead or a question mark when doing transcripts.

Overview
Abi and I were given a task where each of us had to draw a series of abstract images on to a sheet of paper and taking turns, we had to then describe to each other how to recreate our original pictures. We were only allowed to communicate using verbal language and not body language. It took Abi over 2 minutes to communicate to me, whereas I took about 6 minutes. I think the two main reasons why I took longer, was the fact that I had more shapes on my sheet than Abi did and I found it much more difficult to communicate to somebody what to draw, than to do the drawing myself.

Analysis
The use of shorter pauses was my way of processing what I was going to say to Abi in a simple way so she could understand. However, the longer pauses were to allow Abi enough time to draw what I was saying, without missing any key information or repetition. When I took the long pause, "...circle (3) that your thumb..." I was checking to see if my thumb could fit into the shape so the sizing for Abi would be correct. When Abi says "okay" after a long pause it shows me that she was drawing after I had finished talking and now she was ready to move on to the next part of the drawing. When I said "honeycomb (^)" I was questioning whether or not Abi would understand what I had meant by that shape and if I had to simplify what I was saying. The use of the discourse marker "then" it's signaling to Abi that this is a completely different shape and nothing to do with the circle I told her to draw first.
 

Coursework Piece Two & Bibliography - A Parody of a Playscript

Angelica King, The Card Game Never Ends

(2013)

Scene Two

The bell for the start of next lesson has faded. The corridors have finally emptied, apart from one or two students making a late commute to their next lesson. EUNICE is waiting impatiently at the top of a quiet staircase, nowhere near any classrooms. STEVE walks along the corridor and past the stairs EUNICE is on and stands behind her whilst she unknowingly continues to ignore his presence by looking at the nails on hand, whilst her chin laid in the palm of the other.

Steve: [He leans his left shoulder on the wall behind her, faces her back and clears his throat.] I'm here now... did you miss me? [Smirking.]

Eunice: [Drops her hand but doesn't turn to him. Speech starts of normal in tone, volume and speed but gradually gets slower and quieter.] I missed you during our free period, but now, not so much. I called... nothing. I texted... nothing. I looked for you in the usual places and surprise, surprise. Nothing.

Steve: Did you want to meet up with me, or tell the whole universe that we're together and spending every moment in just that way?

Eunice:[She cocks her head towards where is his and then completely turns towards him slowly. She moves to face the opposing banister she is leaning against, bends her legs at the knees and folds her arms underneath. First, her chin rests on her knees and then she turns her head towards him and moves her head.] It wouldn't seem like that if you would just spent some time with me.

Steve: What about Stella and that crazy sister of her’s, can't you stay and hang with them?

Eunice: You're missing the point. I didn't want to spend time with them two - I wanted to be with you. Anyway, those two went off to some fancy place for lunch, after all Stella hasn't seen Blanche in ages.

[PABLO and MITCH see STEVE in the hallway. About to interrupt their friend and EUNICE, they see the conservation and wait, listening in on the happy couple. They creep closer to the couple, PABLO attached himself to MITCH's back.]

Eunice:[Moves her head towards PABLO and MITCH and thinks they have been there the whole time.] What are you pigs doing here, haven't you got some silly card game to get to with Stanley?

[PABLO and MITCH look at each other, still as stone, only their eyes moving. They then sharply look at STEVE and then back each other, avoiding contact with EUNICE.]

Eunice: [Getting irritated with all the boys.] Well…

Mitch: We’re not playing right now Eunice, well we were meant to... but, Steve didn't show. It as actually meant to be right now. Anyway. we were just scouting the corridors and then we found you two. We weren't listening to you two talking if that's what you think. Honest we weren't we just got here. Honest.

Pablo: [Interrupts.] Yeah… that and Mitch got a Facebook message from that blonde that was talking to Steve today in Maths... [MITCH slapped PABLO across the back of his head and STEVE suddenly froze in front of his girlfriend whilst she stared at him as she slowly stood up and moved towards him.)

Eunice: BLONDE!?!

Steve: [Moves away from EUNICE and towards his friends.] That's not what Pablo meant... he's just messing with you, messing with me.

Eunice: This better not be the same blonde who tried to make eyes at you when we first hooked up, is it?

Steve: There was no blonde before, you're just paranoid and nervous because we just started dating.

Eunice: I suggest you guys leave about now, before I start yelling and we disrupt the lessons going on around here.

Mitch: [whispering to PABLO.] And I thought Stanley was bad.

Pablo: But Stanley's not the cheating type, really. He can be... rough around the edges, especially with Stella, but they're new. But talk spreads fast around here and if he heard what we was saying he'll have us, so I suggest you zip it and quick.

[MITCH nodded in agreement and the two head off down the corridor towards a different building.]

Steve: [Yelling after his friends.] Thanks you guys. [Turning back to EUNICE.] I know you won't make a scene, you'll just walk off. But if you're feeling bad you can just give me a kiss... [He pouts and leans towards EUNICE who presses the palm of her hand into his lips.]

Eunice: I know better than to leave you alone, you'll just go off, find the others and play that stupid card game, over and over and over...

Bibliography:
Parodying "A Streetcar Named Desire"

Coursework Piece One & Bibliography - Magazine Article on Science

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A Breakthrough in Cryogenic Technology. Futurama may not just be a TV Sitcom after all.

By Angelica King / October 25, 2013 9:00 pm

http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/futurama/episodes/space-pilot-3000/

Get ready to have your socks blown off. Researchers today are getting closer to reversing the effects of cryopreservation of human and animal life - put simply, unfreezing dead humans so they can live forever in the future without their frozen cells bursting in the thawing phase. However, this is not a new idea, as it was first introduced in the 1960’s but it was not until recently that scientists have tried to reverse the process. How could anybody come up with such an idea? “I accidentally ran over my neighbour’s cat. Oh no, what to do, what to do? I know, I’ll stuff him into my freezer and wait until somebody comes up with a way to unfreeze him, bring him back to life and give him back to my neighbour. But for now, goodbye Mr. Whiskers, you will be missed. Now if you could do that with humans too so we could live forever that would be awesome. What’s that smell?” Wait a minute - no way… that means scientists have been freezing over 200 people since the 60’s without a known reversible process and enough evidence to show this theory could be falsified!

This may seem like quite a simplistic idea, but the way the web has documented the information, you and I can now look forward to our own customized cryogenic tubes that will keep us frozen until the day in which we live on a planet completely submerged in water. However, most can argue that we’re no closer to this futuristic fallacy. Surprisingly, the media seems to have thrived off of quote from scientists such as Sir Arthur C. Clark (who invented the communications satellite) who said that “Although no one can quantify the probability of cryonics working, I estimate it is at least 90% - and certainly nobody can say it is zero.” The media should have taken Groening’s word that Futurama will exist in the near future. Can we really blame people for their skepticism on the controversial topic? After all Back to the Future predicted that we’d have flying cars by now, but instead we have rubber bands shaped like different kind of animals.

What Clark thought, along with many other scientists, was that we shouldn't be so pessimistic about the research. Usually, the procedure requires clients to be deceased for only for a few minutes as it requires a fresh corpse so that there is a lower risk of ice formation taking place on the body. It is actually the brain which needs to be crucially protected as it is stores every useful and useless piece of information and controls the rest of the body. That explains why there are so many talking heads in jars of liquid on every episode of Futurama.  

To freeze someone, without causing too much damage through chemical and enzymatic activity, scientists have to coat them with special, specific protectants but research has shown that some of these protectants can have toxins in them that can effect the bodies, so scientists are looking for other ways to do the freezing, which is less damaging to the body, along with coming up with a reversible technique.   

Bibliography:

“Futurama” - Matt Groening’s TV Sitcom

Image - http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/futurama/episodes/space-pilot-3000/

Cryonics and related information and facts etc - Wikipedia

Cryogenic Tubes - Futurama Wiki

Sir Arthur C. Clark Quote - http://www.alcor.org/notablequotes.html

Back to the Future - Film Franchise
For Future Use in Article - http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/genetic/cryonics.htm
The Magazine's Logo & Links to other Articles - Discover Magazine

Twitter Article

Twitter: Just 140 characters of Facebook

With whispers circulating about Twitter getting good, I thought I might investigate

___________________________________________________

By Angelica King

Monday 14th October, 2013

___________________________________________________

Twitter turns everyone into a bird brain begging to be followed. Photograph: www.sweetbenannasam.com

Why bother tweeting? That was my response to the so called growing social network. Lets face facts, twitter is just facebook stripped of everything but the status and applied a strict word count, allowing the world to unlearn how to spell and use non standard grammar that would make any english teacher want to tear their hair out (unless they’re already bald).

And I know that I’m not the only person who would agree with me, Steven Johnson said that the social site has made a “terrible first impression”. Twitter is the reason why the people around me consider “sry” an apology, think that all their “followers” are interested to know about what they are doing every minute of every single day in 140 characters and that #yolo is the perfect excuse as to why we should do stupid things continuously.

That leads me on to my next point, I don’t think I could ever forgive twitter for introducing #hashtags. They are unnecessary, unnatural, unsophisticated from the perspective of the english language. They’re also incredibly tacky.

I think we should just stick to facebook before all social networks become one. I think I’m about to use up my characters #cyalateralligator

Travel Writing

Almost in a blink of an eye I was there... in Cebu. Is there any soul on this Earth who believes there is a more packed yet picturesque city deep within the heart of a cluster of Islands that make up the country of the Philippines? Cebu is not technically the heart of this country as it is not the capital city, that's Manila, but to me it is the heart of the country because it was where my mother previously resided. Having to cope with the immediate change from experiencing streets filled transport to the tranquil houses that are tucked away from the noise by giant coconut trees, at first was challenging, is now refreshing to be part of all these different ways of life within a colourful city. The religious aspects make up the soul of Cebu - churches, pilgrimages, statues - although the beaches have nothing to do with religion they are particularly divine. I guess there are many cities that never sleep and Cebu is definitely one of those cities, but when the people get home they enjoy a meal together, extended family and all - which is typically chicken - indulge in fresh mango and coconuts for dessert, and when as the sun goes down finish a long day with prayers and get ready to start all over again.

A School’s Seating Arrangement: Why we keep our place and not wander across the educational battlefield

A School’s Seating Arrangement: Why we keep our place and not wander across the educational battlefield

I’m perplexed as to why we sit the way we do throughout a typical school day with different seats at different occasions – it’s like your personal demon and angel on your shoulder has been replaced by the cool kid and the nerd

______________________________

Angelica King

The Guardian, Monday 7 October 2013

___________________________________________

 
High School Musical, teaching kids to break away from their inner nerd and sit with the popular kids. Photograph: http://www.hsmespanol.com/Translations.htm

I’m guessing my reader, (just the one reader, never plural) will be wondering why I’m writing such a pointless article on the unwritten, stereotypical code of eating and seating in very typical schools. Well, I’ll tell you this. Nothing is ever pointless unless it is an unsharpened pencil.

As an aside, I am aware that this article has been done time and time again, making no effort to please the audience of one so feel free to make like a fish and swim away. So I’m giving you the opportunity not to take the bait and move on to the next hooking column you come across.

Anyway, It’s not that I have an issue with seating arrangements in school. Coincidentally, I find it very convenient as it stops some little guys just making a fool of themselves by getting wounded by a soldier from a different side and getting sent back to camp to recuperate. My general wonderment comes from the idea that these set places are done subliminally through ourselves. We don’t get told to sit at the back of the classroom, learn nothing, get detention a record number of times a week. Of course not. We subconsciously choose to sit at the front of the class, make small talk with the teacher and remind everyone there was work due in that lesson. Guess where I used to fit into this brutal hierarchy?

If on your first day you fall into the trap of constantly putting your hand up and being the quietest in the class, you may have just marked yourself for the whole of your secondary school life. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think for a second being part of the popular crowd gets you anywhere in life other than wishing you paid attention in school and not planned on getting smashed on the Sunday, perfect for the next day, like Monday’s weren't bad enough. There’s stigma attached to all these different stereotypical cliches and I guess it depends on whether you want to be loved by everyone in that moment or be thankful in the future. These conflicts occur in all of us, everyday we could remember where social groupings led the world. Everyday students make the choice to waft between the sides and be labelled a traitor by which ever side you originally chose. Is it really worth it to get 50 likes on your profile picture, 10 new messages, 15 new friend requests and God only knows how many re-tweets. Soon enough it just becomes a feud between the nerds and the cool people, the smarties and the cool guys; soon enough the battlefield is drawn and on one side are the goodie two shoes lot and the never any good gang. I feel like I should be waving a white flag in surrender as I feel the feud split the whole of Earth into two separate hemispheres.

Perhaps it’s not a good idea for me to bring about these unresolved issues from my unconscious to brew in my reality and allow my one reader to go through the same thing as they judge me. In the spirit of school life, “break time”!

Nowadays, I don’t feel that it’s quite as big of an issue as I may make out it to be as the next generation seem to have one major thing in common… technology. Every single soul glued to a laptop, mobile, any if not all of those Apple products. Remember when that just used to be fruit and not a brand.

But in TV Shows and films I never fully understood their grasp on the grouping system. I mean Goths, Punks, Cheerleaders, Football Players. There’s just too many groups and too many of them. The list just continues on for ever, similar in the way that this article seems to not want to come to an effortless closing. I fail to see the point of these groups. Sure, everybody has their own rules and they all end up with similar interests but I believe humans are much more complicated than just one label, what I’m trying to say is that child who sleeps at the back of the class, there’s more to them than just sleepy, the dwarf that ran away from home.

I think that’s all on the subject. Now go swim back to your school before they leave without you.

Unreliably Narrated Monologues

Style Model
I can’t believe that cop! Arresting my baby just like that in front of his own home! Doesn't he know that that boy is my son? My son! And the stuff they've accused him of… well, it’s just ridiculous. How could they say that he stole that man’s car and then led the police on a chase down Lake Shore Drive? My baby’s only 14.  He doesn't know how to drive! And he’s the most angelic boy, not like my sister’s child who talks back with a mouth worse than a sailor. No, sir, my boy, he’s respectful. Why, just last week when he was leaving the house after dinner, I reminded him that he needed to take out the garbage (because he’s always forgetting things like that). And he did it, no grumbling, no eye rolling, he just did it like the sweet boy he is. And he’s always been like that, like looking after me when my feet were acting up and I could barely walk. He was always ready to fetch me some water from the kitchen when he was around and not out with his friends. So sweet, telling me that he loves me, that he couldn't have any better momma in the world. My baby’s no criminal!

My Piece
How dare you! The nerve of you! How could you let her gallivant off to Oxford for University! Do you have no clue at how stupid that girl is? I don't care if she's your daughter by "blood". She's rightfully mine, do you hear me? How is she creative? All she ever does is doodles in her books, scribbles of chick scratch in her notepads, graffiti-ed her bedroom wall. Who would call her an "artist"? If she was good at anything I'm guessing it's sport, at least some form of physical activity because she showed me she can fit through the gaps in the fence. And another thing, if she was so bright she would remember to buy food to fill up the fridge, I may be her mother but she needs to grow up and learn to do it herself, especially if I'm not around. She won't survive in that place is she can never clean the house, get the food, find her way home if I forget to tell her I'm not going to be able to do it. All of her friends tell me she has an eating disorder but I told them she looks fine but I would never tell them that I honestly think she looks a little chubby. We may have a difficult relationship and argue all the time and she may call me a terrible mother and sometimes I don't see her for days but believe me when I say this... she loves me, not you. I know her, genetics don't mean a thing.

Monologue Analysis

I chose a monologue from the film "500 days of Summer" which is about a guy who falls for a girl who does not believe love exists. They have a roller-coaster of a relationship until Summer decides for them to just be friends and Tom falls into a state of depression. When he tries once more to make it work he fails miserably. 
In this scene Tom is at a meeting to talk present ideas on what to messages to put on greeting cards and after one of his colleagues presented he had this to say...

"These are lies. We're liars....think about it. Why do people buy these cards? It's not because they wanna say how they feel. People buy these cards because they can't say how they feel or they are afraid to. We provide the service that lets them off the hook. And you know what? I say the hell with it. I say let's level with America. At least let them speak with themselves. I mean, look at this. What does it say? Congratulations on the new baby. How about congratulations for your new baby, guess that's it for hanging out. Nice knowing ya buddy. Wait, what's this? Ooh... fancy!
Look at this one with all the hearts. Let's open it up. "Happy Valentine's Day, Sweetheart. I love you." Oh that's nice. This is exactly what I'm talking about? What does it even mean? Love. Do you know? Do you? Anybody? If somebody gave me this card, Mr Vance, I would eat it. It's the cards and the movies and the pop songs. They are to blame for all the lies and the heartache. We are responsible. I am responsible. I think we do a bad thing here. I mean, people should be able to say how they feel, how they really feel, not some words that some stranger puts in their mouth. Maybe it's not love at all. Maybe there's no such thing as love. Maybe it's... "galoogoo." Yeah I made it up, so what?!."

From the context of this scene, the language used should be of formal register as it is meant to be a company meeting to present ideas to your employer and other employees. However, due to Tom's outburst, the monologues is in an informal register because he uses words like "wanna" because it is a personal message that he feels like everyone should contemplate. Tom changes the connotations from being positive and thoughtful gestures that we use all the time to confusion and empty gestures that actually does not mean anything. Tom also uses the word "galoogoo" to replace love because he does not believe that it really exists. This in itself is interesting in terms of language because we get the connotations from "love" which are generic for all of us and the he uses this new, made up word. It makes us contemplate what other associated meanings there are to that one word and makes us question why it does make sense to use it to help our understanding with such a complex term, despite it being used all the time that it can lose all meaning. 


In Tom's monologue, he uses many pauses along with many rhetorical questions for the same effect such as "We're liars... think about it" and "What does it mean? Love". He uses them to get his colleagues to understand what he thinks which is that love really doesn't exist and it is people like them who created this idea of "love" for money and business. He is also quite passionate about this with his use of exclamation marks but more importantly what he is saying especially when he comes up with a new idea for what to write in a new baby card in a sarcastic way, he says "Congratulations for your new baby, guess that's it for hanging out. Nice knowing ya buddy." which is not what you would say in card but it could be a lingering thought that crosses your mind when writing one of these cards. 

Blog Analysis

Here is the link to the chosen blog I have decided to analyse. http://www.sprinklebakes.com/

Here is my chosen extract for analysis.

"Sometimes the gravity of how fast time passes hits me all at once. It knocks me flat. I find myself lying on the floor eye-to-eye with Churro-the-pug. "Did you have a good summer?" I ask. "Did you stop to smell the roses?" He probably did (he spends a good deal of time outside sniffing things), but I fell a little short of the task. Now summer is almost over and I'm not quite ready for it to end. That's why we're packing our things (pups included) and heading to the ocean tomorrow. We're grabbing on to the very last bit of summer with both hands!

Although I'm itching to get started on fall baking, I've decided to hold off until my return home. For now, I'm sticking to what feels right, and that's champagne cake layers filled with tangy raspberry Swiss meringue buttercream. I found some gorgeous raspberry colored roses at the market and that sealed the deal. This cake was meant to be, I tell ya!

Since this cake is celebratory in flavor, I decided to go ahead and use the Victorian cake pulls I've been saving for a bridal-themed post. Have you heard of cake pulls? They're little sterling silver charms attached to lengths of ribbon. The charms are placed under the cake (by the baker) with only the ribbon visible, then the cake is frosted and decorated. Party guests (usually a group of bridesmaids) each choose a ribbon to pull before the cake is cut. The assorted charms have different meanings, so that brings a bit of fortune telling-novelty to the party."

I like the fact that this isn't a typical baking blog filled with just recipes but it contains real life experiences and a high level of detail to keep her audience interested. This is evident when she starts the post with, "Sometimes the gravity of how time passes hits me all at once." She is talking about how summer is almost over and how she needs to squeeze in some more good recipes before she takes a break and go on holiday. She makes it personal by talking about her dog, "Churro- the-pug." She uses some rhetorical questions when discussing her recipes to make her audience think about whether or not they have the supplies and skill to complete this ambitious recipe. She also uses some informal language to keep a friendly tone and not just recipes and descriptive writing, she does this by saying, "I tell ya!". Near the end of this post she also slips in some knowledge about the reasons behind the ideas she incorporates into her recipes which is another way she makes her baking blog different to the rest. 

Homework Analysis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZpOY-bymZA

I decided to use this clip because it is one of my favourite episodes of FRIENDS as well as it does have some good language features to analyse.

At the beginning of the clip the comedy comes from Ross trying to give a serious lecture in a very obviously fake British accent. As well as the accent, Ross starts out using a formal register to talk to the students by saying "image his consternation" but when he realizes his friends are there he changes the register by saying, "Oh, bloody hell." Once the lecture has finished one of the professors is there and Ross continues his fake accent allowing the others to join in. The different accents they use from across the world allows for stereotypical phrases to be uttered allowing for more comedy. Monica says "Top of the morning to you laddies." and Rachel says "Yes, yes, Bombay is very, very nice this time of year." The comedy also derives from the fact that Ross and Monica are related and yet have different accents and Rachel talks in an accent which makes it unlikely to believe she is from there or been there long enough to pick up a strong accent.

The connotations you would expect from this clip would be education, paleontology, serious, possible boring. However, by playing with the accents the connotations change to being more stereotypical of different accents, funny, taking the serious nature out of being a professor at a university which seems to be an ongoing thing throughout the show when Ross becomes a professor.

When Rachel prank calls Ross saying "Hi, Ross, this is Dr. McKneely from the fake accent university, we would like you to come on board with us full time." It particularly plays with the language because no university professor would greet someone about to take the position with "Hi" as the greeting as it is very informal as well as calling them by their first name.

At the end of the clip we see Ross phasing out his accidental British accent. He does this by saying certain words or part of words in a different accent rather than changing the words and phrases he would say to reflect which dialect he was speaking in. The register changes when he is caught out by his students for speaking in a fake accent, he changes from formal register to informal and he does this throughout the clip. At the very end of the clip we see Ross put the accent back on even though his students know it's fake because Rachel comes in yelling at him for not getting the divorce, making Ross' image more tainted than ever.

An Analysis of a YouTube Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt--2ASTg7k

The Armstrong and Miller Clip does use a regional accent which is different from the dialect which is expected from the set and the context of the clip. This is where the comedy comes from, which is taking what we expect the topic of the conversation to and change along with the accent and the dialect.

In terms of lexis, there are many connotations that derive from the original context of the clip and the change of topic from Armstrong and Miller. There are connotations of war, death and fighting because it is supposed to be a scene from D-Day however the connotations from the main conversation is meant to be funny and happy as they see it as a holiday to the sea side rather than part of the war.

The grammar used is non-standard because along with the words used, the syntax is not typical to the period of time which the sketch is set. The register which is what the audience expects it to be said in is formal whereas Armstrong and Miller talk informally and in a colloquial register. The language used can relate to a number of audiences because the context relates to those who know about the war and the D-Day bombings however the change in language used in the speech can relate to those who understand the dialect and even the sociolect as it is informal language which is used by teenagers.

Changing Register

Shakespeare's Sonnet 18

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? 
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date: 
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; 
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest: 
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

Informal Register

Can I compare ya to a Summers day?

You're pretty great, I guess, and well wicked,

Them strong winds really affect them flowers,

And summer really ain't long enough though,

And the sun is so hot like them ovens,

But it does go away at other times,

Everything becomes so gross and ugly,

Whether at birth, or you get some bad luck,

But you wont sag or wrinkle like me Nan,

Or become ugly like them blob fish is,

Or get caught by the guy that collects souls,

Because you'll still live on through poetry.

As long as humans don't become extinct...

This poem will live on with you in it.

Me, Myself and I

September 9, 2013

Dear Diary, 

I'm furious. I'm outraged. I'm so annoyed that I don't even know where to begin! 

Well, it started in the morning. I got into college and found my friends: Steph, Amy and Tom, focusing intently on the computer screen. I asked them what was up and they shushed me. That's never a good idea. As I started to read along with them, they just scrolled up right to the beginning so I could get the full story. It was a post from one of their subject tutors on a blog and it read...

"Good Morning Super Wonderfuls. Today, you will create your own tandem story. It's simple really, each of you has been placed in pair courtesy of me. For tomorrow, the two of you will pick which of your blogs to do this project in which you can post the assignment. The task is to have that person who's blog you are using to write the first paragraph of a short story. They will then post it on your blog for your partner and myself to read. The partner will then read this paragraph and write the next one and then post it in the comment section. This will continue until both of you agree that a conclusion has been reached and the story has finished. Remember to re-read what has already been written as to keep the story coherent. There will be no talking outside this one post on this one blog and if there is anything you wish to say it must be written in the comments of this one post. Blissful Blogging!" 

I then quickly realized that Amy and Tom got paired together and although they got along well, whenever any of us get paired up to do something important it never works... there always seems to be a problem. Anyway, they opened up Amy's blog and showed me their work which caused them problems. (I wrote Amy's paragraphs in pink and Tom's paragraph's in blue, just to remind myself when I read back on this.)

At first, Angelica couldn't decide which book she wanted to read. Jane Eyre, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home, reminded her too much of Stephanie, who once said, in happier times, that she liked the feminist novel. But she felt now, at all costs, keep her mind off of her best friend. The loneliness that came with remembering their long lasting friendship, before they left secondary school and transitioned into college life, made her asthma act up. So Jane Eyre was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Stephanie Redhall, an evolutionary biologist in charge of a ground breaking experiment to discover the evolution of our species, had more important things to think about than the memories of an air-headed bimbo named Angelica with who she spent five useless years with. "Dr. Redhall, have you any findings?" "No breakthroughs so far..." but before she could finish her sentence a particle beam from the Physics lab next door blasted a hole through her lab. The jolt sent her flying across the room. 

She bumped her head and died almost immediately, but not before she felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one friend laughed at all her jokes. Soon afterwards, the search for the last piece of our evolutionary past was stopped as it was considered pointless to spend copious amounts of money on pointless research. "Government Passes Law Permanently Abolishing The Work Of Evolutionary Biologists" Angelica read on an online news article the next morning. The news simultaneously excited and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed with no hurry but carefree nature, with no news to read online, no television to distract her from the sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" She pondered wistfully.

Little did she know that she had 10 seconds to live. Just outside her house were thousands of Evolutionary Biologists gathered to seek revenge on the dimwitted wimpy bimbo who pushed the agreement to stop these people's careers dead in their tracks. Soon enough they broke into her house and she met her brutal end at the hands of once pacifist nerds. 

This is ridiculous. I refuse to continue with this absurd story line. My writing partner is a science fiction nerd and a semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered looney tune whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent to my sleeping medication. "Oh shall I read Jane Eyre again? Or shall I read some other failed excuse for literature. Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo. I guess I've read to many Carol Anne Duffy poems." 

Idiot!

Feminist!

You're a Neanderthal.

In your dreams. Go read some decent literature.

The last comment was written by their subject tutor reading as follows, "This piece didn't quite seem to flow properly and the story line was unnecessarily confusing, however I find your communication at the end of the piece amusing, C." 

After finished reading I honestly didn't know how to respond considering I hadn't even finished comprehending the idea that my friends used me in an assignment to get a grade... AND to portray me as a bimbo... AND then kill me off. I couldn't help but laugh at the petty argument at the end of post and at the fact that out of all of our friends they picked me and Steph to write about. 

Oh well, I'll forgive them this time but it's far from over. 

Until the next interesting event which I just have to write about, and with my friends, will no doubt be tomorrow.

See ya soon,

Angelica 

Mrs Darwin

Here's one of many Carol Ann Duffy Poems that I liked simple because it is ingenious how she wrote it and the ideas behind it.

Differences In Animal Diaries

I chose this picture because, on the surface, it's a funny piece of text showing what these domestic animals would be thinking or what they would write if they had a diary. However, beneath the simple, funny exterior is the idea that dogs are a man's best friend and a great companion, whereas a cat can be seen as being more intelligent and sometimes know for hating its domestic life. The language used in each diary entry shows this as the dog's language is simple but the cat's language is sophisticated and the text is written in detailed paragraphs. I found this interesting because of the way language is used to show the contrast between these two popular pets. It's also interesting because the writer is showing what they think is inside the heads of these two different species. I liked the idea that the dog's diary had a schedule rather than it's feeling and emotions although they said everything they did was their favourite, it can show that the dog isn't as intelligent or aware than the cat. The cat's diary had no schedule but started with the day in which he was writing, "Day 963 of my captivity" which allows the reader to immidetly realize that the cat feels like a prisoner. I like the way the writer takes normal activites owners do with their cats and turn it into something that is mean to the pet. The contrasts are taken further with the style of the writing as the dog's diary is written in cursive whereas the cat's diary is written in a simple, serious font.

 

Michael McIntyre Quotes

One of my favourite comedians of all time is Michael McIntyre and here are some of his favourite quotes.

http://funnycomedianquotes.com/funny-michael-mcintyre-jokes-and-quotes.html?p=1

http://funnycomedianquotes.com/funny-michael-mcintyre-jokes-and-quotes.html?p=2

An Extract from Peter Kay's Autobiography

I find celebrity autobiographies interesting to read because it's a new perspective from what people already know about you whether true or false, so here's one I've found.

http://booksblog.tesco.com/2011/09/weve-got-an-extract-from-peter-kays-new-book/

10 Amusing Twitter Biographies

With technology becoming a bigger part in everybody's lives it's no surprise that there are now mini bio's you can have on these new social networking sites. Here's a few funny twitter biographies I have found on this link.

http://www.ragan.com/Main/Articles/10_amusing_Twitter_bios_to_inspire_you_44990.aspx

Kids Who Kill

After my post about bizarre suicides I may as well post a link to the top 10 serial killer children across the world, with one entry which is quite familiar with many.

http://ecrazyworld.com/article_page?post_seq=50&page_no=10

Strange Suicides

I came across a peculiar article the other day about suicides across the globe which were out of the ordinary.

http://www.ecrazyworld.com/article_page?post_seq=77&page_no=10

One of the Worst Proposal Response Ever

Whether you believe this video/news article to be true or not, I still find it quite amusing and a good way of showing the difference between newspapers and the stories they publish.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2402511/Marriage-proposal-ends-disaster-mans-bride-clumps-round-head-buskers-ukulele.html

Miley Cyrus & The VMA's

I doubt there aren't many souls who either haven't seen or heard about Miley Cyrus' performance at the VMA's which sparked much controversy with Parents and Celebrities alike. Some people did understand how she needs to space herself from her Disney Channel image, however most saw what she had done as going over board and being desperate as she showed the world a truly disturbing performance. This link shows the views from parents, the tweets from Celebs, a look at the memes which were produced and the opinion her on screen mother had about the performance.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2402415/Miley-Cyrus-VMAs-Parents-label-performance-sexual-exploitation-20-year-old-tried-shed-Disney-image.html

Battle of the Sexes

Yet another story about which is the better sex, men or women, and this time it's about the immune system. Read up on how researchers have discovered new information about Testosterone and how Man Flu could in fact be a real thing.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2402553/Why-women-really-stronger-sex-Research-suggests-testosterone-weakens-immune-means-man-flu-actually-real.html

And the Award For World's Ugliest Animal Goes to...

In the news today is the story about an interesting campaign about finding the world's ugliest animal as well as preserving all these beautifully ugly species.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2402159/The-blobfish-pig-nosed-turtle-proboscis-monkey-Which-worlds-ugliest-animal.html

Good Advice

If you haven't received any advice today then here is one thing that you should always remember in the form of a funny poster image.

Quotations

Here is an image which sums up nicely two things; in some ways what the internet has become and how easy it is to make a teenager believe something which is obviously false like this image.

A Funny Review

What I found really funny about this film review is the way the author had written it. They decided to cleverly re-word the famous theme song of the hit TV Show "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" to sum up the movie "Enemy of the State" as actor Will Smith star in both the film and the Television Series.

http://static.uhpinions.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/EnemyoftheState.png

Facts

Here is an image which cleverly and interestingly enough shows 10 totally random facts which you probably don't need to know. However, this way of presenting facts may make the facts easier to remember.

Interesting Book Reviews

Being an avid reader myself, I decided to join a website where I can indulge in my favourite past time by finding quotations, organizing which books to read, rating and recommending books and writing and reading books reviews. One of the first things I did when I created my account was to read some of the reviews on a book a read quite some time ago - Anthropology of an American Girl.

As you would expect from any book, there were mixed opinions on the extensively long novel, however what struck me about the reviews was the use of language and the angle each individual took when writing the review.

Here are the links to four different reviews.

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/107458864

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/88603088

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/107508669

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/88697747

Crazy, Stupid, Kisses

Here's the article about Dave Marcel who kissed a seemingly harmless Nurse Shark but instead it decided to bite back.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2388207/Why-attempt-kiss-shark--harmless-nurse-shark.html