Me, Myself and I

September 9, 2013

Dear Diary, 

I'm furious. I'm outraged. I'm so annoyed that I don't even know where to begin! 

Well, it started in the morning. I got into college and found my friends: Steph, Amy and Tom, focusing intently on the computer screen. I asked them what was up and they shushed me. That's never a good idea. As I started to read along with them, they just scrolled up right to the beginning so I could get the full story. It was a post from one of their subject tutors on a blog and it read...

"Good Morning Super Wonderfuls. Today, you will create your own tandem story. It's simple really, each of you has been placed in pair courtesy of me. For tomorrow, the two of you will pick which of your blogs to do this project in which you can post the assignment. The task is to have that person who's blog you are using to write the first paragraph of a short story. They will then post it on your blog for your partner and myself to read. The partner will then read this paragraph and write the next one and then post it in the comment section. This will continue until both of you agree that a conclusion has been reached and the story has finished. Remember to re-read what has already been written as to keep the story coherent. There will be no talking outside this one post on this one blog and if there is anything you wish to say it must be written in the comments of this one post. Blissful Blogging!" 

I then quickly realized that Amy and Tom got paired together and although they got along well, whenever any of us get paired up to do something important it never works... there always seems to be a problem. Anyway, they opened up Amy's blog and showed me their work which caused them problems. (I wrote Amy's paragraphs in pink and Tom's paragraph's in blue, just to remind myself when I read back on this.)

At first, Angelica couldn't decide which book she wanted to read. Jane Eyre, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home, reminded her too much of Stephanie, who once said, in happier times, that she liked the feminist novel. But she felt now, at all costs, keep her mind off of her best friend. The loneliness that came with remembering their long lasting friendship, before they left secondary school and transitioned into college life, made her asthma act up. So Jane Eyre was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Stephanie Redhall, an evolutionary biologist in charge of a ground breaking experiment to discover the evolution of our species, had more important things to think about than the memories of an air-headed bimbo named Angelica with who she spent five useless years with. "Dr. Redhall, have you any findings?" "No breakthroughs so far..." but before she could finish her sentence a particle beam from the Physics lab next door blasted a hole through her lab. The jolt sent her flying across the room. 

She bumped her head and died almost immediately, but not before she felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one friend laughed at all her jokes. Soon afterwards, the search for the last piece of our evolutionary past was stopped as it was considered pointless to spend copious amounts of money on pointless research. "Government Passes Law Permanently Abolishing The Work Of Evolutionary Biologists" Angelica read on an online news article the next morning. The news simultaneously excited and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed with no hurry but carefree nature, with no news to read online, no television to distract her from the sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" She pondered wistfully.

Little did she know that she had 10 seconds to live. Just outside her house were thousands of Evolutionary Biologists gathered to seek revenge on the dimwitted wimpy bimbo who pushed the agreement to stop these people's careers dead in their tracks. Soon enough they broke into her house and she met her brutal end at the hands of once pacifist nerds. 

This is ridiculous. I refuse to continue with this absurd story line. My writing partner is a science fiction nerd and a semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered looney tune whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent to my sleeping medication. "Oh shall I read Jane Eyre again? Or shall I read some other failed excuse for literature. Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo. I guess I've read to many Carol Anne Duffy poems." 

Idiot!

Feminist!

You're a Neanderthal.

In your dreams. Go read some decent literature.

The last comment was written by their subject tutor reading as follows, "This piece didn't quite seem to flow properly and the story line was unnecessarily confusing, however I find your communication at the end of the piece amusing, C." 

After finished reading I honestly didn't know how to respond considering I hadn't even finished comprehending the idea that my friends used me in an assignment to get a grade... AND to portray me as a bimbo... AND then kill me off. I couldn't help but laugh at the petty argument at the end of post and at the fact that out of all of our friends they picked me and Steph to write about. 

Oh well, I'll forgive them this time but it's far from over. 

Until the next interesting event which I just have to write about, and with my friends, will no doubt be tomorrow.

See ya soon,

Angelica